[Voice Post]

ATTENTION PEOPLE, THINGS, ROBOTS, ALIENS, MONSTERS, AND GENERALLY EVERYONE IN LUCETI!!

My name is Haruki Suzumiya, and I am hereby announcing the creation of the Luceti-branche of the glorious SOS-Brigade! Please sign up in a timely order and bring your applications to House #10 as per the map which you all know.

But yes, I've been combing this network, and I know a lot about a lot of you guys by now! I'd like to meet you all and hear your stories. I'm sure a lot of you have lead really strange an interesting lives! I think it would be awesome to hear about them. Please step forward now!

Oh, and Koizumi the guy one. You're in charge of keeping track of the applications for the brigade. Yes, I know you're there, and don't think you can avoid work, like I know Kyonko will try to. Though if you're anything like the Koizumi back home I'm sure you won't disappoint me!

...If any of you happen to see a flat girl with a long brown pigtail lounging around looking bored, that's Kyonko. She's my henchman, so don't think you can claim her.